Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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