Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
