Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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