His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
