whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
