He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
