Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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