Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize