I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
