I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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