she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
