I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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