I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We were destined to go to rehab together
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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