Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
