Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
