just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got inside last night via doggy door
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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