I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
