why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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