If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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