naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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