Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
