i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
