why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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