i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
