Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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