You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
