you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
