he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
