How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
