You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
