I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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