i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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