you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
