I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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