I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize