Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
