I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
