During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
