ya dads aren't the best wingmen
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
