Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
