I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
