So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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