Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
