mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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