i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Randomize
