i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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