Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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