i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
