I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
