I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
