And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
