areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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