i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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