I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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