Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
