I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize