I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
