I puked a lego.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
