You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
